Yesterday, Michael gave me a call to check on how I was dealing with the potential death of my step-father. I thanked him for that, and also thanked him for giving my mother helpful advice.
Today, his wife Sabrina called me, also to check on how I was doing. She repeated their offer to help in any way they could, and I thank her for that too.
I got off the phone, and thought "I wish everyone could have friends like these two in times like these." Then I realized I was crying… and I didn’t know why.
OK Bill, let’s not analyze, let’s feel. Are these happy tears or sad tears? Answer: happy tears.
You’re feeling something. What is it? I don’t know.
Remember that book that Sabrina recommended, Grace Unfolding? What are your physical sensations right now? I mentally subtract the mundane (hand in pocket, feet on floor, etc.) and try to be present in my body. There’s a warmth on my face. Is that a flush from crying? Or is a link to something else?
The moment passes. The tears have gone, the sensations go away.
It took a while, but it comes to me: What I want is to be around friends. Not to go over the circumstances of my step-father; that’s what I’m using this blog for. I just want to hang out and experience the support that comes from simple camaraderie.
It’s what my mother is doing. She tells me that she’s got lot of support and company from her neighbors, friends, former co-workers, etc. She’s a smart woman.
Me? I can’t make plans. At any moment I could get a phone call that means I’m going to fly to LA the next day. At least for now, my emotional support must wait until after I return from the trip to California.
I’ll deal with it. After all, I know people who don’t know where their next meal is coming from, or have had to bear the burden of ailing loved one for far longer than I’m likely to. I was, and continue to be, incredibly fortunate in my life and in my friends.
Thank you all!
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Hugging you with affection and respect. We will happily arrange to see you when you return, my dear.
I’m so sorry about your stepfather’s death and I hope you’re doing well. I’d be happy to hang out in camaraderie. If you’ll be back next week, I have off on Tuesday and I’d be happy to come over.
I thank you for the offer. Tuesday is my first day back at work after the trip, so I’ll probably be working late to clean up all the problems that normally accumulate when I go away. I don’t think I’ll be back at my place before 8-8:30 PM. If you can hang around that late, that’d be great. Otherwise, we’ll meet that Sunday for the ritual.