Not only is it National Talk Like A Pirate Day (which ye'd already know if ye not be a scurvy dog of a landlubber) but it's also the 29th anniversary of invention of smiley emoticon ๐
To celebrate, write something humorous that's constructed well enough to make it obvious that it's a joke, and doesn't require an emoticon for punctuation.
Now do that for the rest of your life. It will improve your writing, and help get rid of emoticons.